I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
