this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize