sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
