I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
