im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize