You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
