i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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