I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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