we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
