I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
