Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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