just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
