I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want to make out with him forever
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
