ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
