the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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