My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
