sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
