all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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