guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
