I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize