and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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