I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
