My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the day after is always just damage control
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
