Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
