Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
