i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
