Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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