i think my mom watched the whole time
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
