That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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