that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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