i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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