While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
