the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
