He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
