Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We had sex on a dog bed..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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