I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
