im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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