When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
