I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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