I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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