i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
being pregnant is like rehab
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
