I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
