Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
