Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
