Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
