3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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