I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
