they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
