The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
