Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
