I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
