Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
