I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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