You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
