I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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