Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize