Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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