Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
