Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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