I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
