She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
