i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
