I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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