So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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