sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
