I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
