eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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