There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
