I wish I could teleport
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
