I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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