Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
