You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
