FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
