i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
