when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
