i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
